I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
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