It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
