the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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