i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
