I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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