dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
