At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize