i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
