i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
