Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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