we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
