I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
