I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
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