He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
