Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
