Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize