he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
