My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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