Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
...so i touched it.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
