To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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