Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
