i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
