I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
