Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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