You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
