And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
