Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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