Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
