Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
