just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
