i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
