I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
