you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
