Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
