i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
