like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
