Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
