yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
