Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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