So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
