His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
