My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
