pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
