I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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