god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if only i could text you this smell
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
