He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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