**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
