I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
