It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
