At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
