my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
