sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
