Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
