she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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