well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Never underestimate the power of titties
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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