She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
