I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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