Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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