He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
