At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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