Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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