it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
