I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
