True but thats because hes a fetus.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
