The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
