I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
try to milk me bitch
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