Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
