Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
