if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize